Ms.Bojangles...preview chapter of "The Seventh Woman"

Who is Ms. Bojangles. Ms. Bojangles is high-self esteem about body image and appearance. This chapter from the "The Seventh Woman" is about a young teenage girl going through puberty, understanding her identity, her sexuality, and womanhood. 

Ms. Bojangles use to get the nickname "bird legs" from her dad. It was a cute gesture, she thought. A girl's father has a strong impact on how young girl's view men's perspective. Always having such a loving and supportive father, Ms. Bojangles.........

Going through puberty in middle school was probably the most challenging moments as other girls were less developed than Ms. Bojangles. For example, breast was often the eye attention from most of the boys. As far as the girls, there was conversation about starting menstruation and having sex....

(chapter from "The Seventh Woman")

Now, notice I said, "having sex"..This is middle school girls talking about being sexually active. The problem with this picture is lack of parental support and education on human sexuality and puberty. Puberty can be a difficult time for many adolescents as they understand their bodies. I will point out that the time-frame for Ms. Bojangles was in the early 80's. Currently, many young girls face far more severe peer pressures..

So, what has changed from the 80's to the present..Adolescents seek more approval from friends versus self-confidence. There is more emphasis placed on looks in the media and society versus self-respect. In almost all forms of media, women are often projected as sex objects than individuals. Women come under the stereotypes to have perfect bodies, be good in bed, and cooks in the kitchen.

One of the biggest causes of low self-esteem in younger girls is the pressure of body image. Some may argue that body image of what a woman should look like comes from media portrayals. Or in most cases peer pressure or even parental influence.

There is much to say about the cosmetic industry that make billions of dollars on products and services that some women cater too. From make-up, to plastic surgeries, breast implants, butt implants, weave, wigs, and some extreme cases over tanning or bleaching of skin.

Truth is beauty has nothing to do with appearance. Beauty is your integrity and your character. This is what makes the physical appearance ATTRACTIVE. Women or younger girls should never seek their self-worth in stereotype perception of ATTRACTIVENESS. Most decent men generally fall in love with women that have an inner glow that radiates in their physical being.

Why is this important, Here are some facts based on research:

Low self esteem can be the cause or risk factor for depression

The rise of depression is steadily increasing in women more than men.

Poor body image also leads to problems with physical health that leads to inappropriate dieting and eating disorders.

Some women are in battle between their own personal culture and mainstream culture 

Negative comments, criticism, and teasing that are derived from parents are strong indicators to body dissatisfaction.

The criticism from peers concerning boy image often produces anxiety for females to be thin.

If you are a mother, a young teenage girl, a single woman, a married woman, an aunt, a sister, a grandmother...KNOW your WORTH!

The DEATH penatly

My beliefs tell me that death is only earned through wages of SIN. So, therefore regardless of what the justice system executes as DEATH. I believe DEATH is earned through self-choice over LIFE. I am a firm believer in CHOICE.

I believe every person walking the face of the earth has a choice. The only humans that are not given are infants..

Now, are there acts of crime, hatred and rage that deserves death..Well, it depends on how you look at it. For example, An intentional act of harm towards innocent parties..What does the death penalty solve? Does it bring closure to victims? Will it change the acts committed? I personally believe people who choose death are already dead. This is my meaning of "the walking dead". Yes, it is unfair, but is that not LIFE?

I believe in the SUPREME JUSTICE called a GREAT WHITE THRONE! I am not one to dare call myself a CHRISTIAN. I am a BELIEVER of the WORD. This means I believe the concept and comprehension of the GOSPEL. I understand everyone may not have this belief and that is okay. I do not fault anyone for what they choose to believe.

However, for me I believe that Jesus Christ is my savior from DEATH. So, I choose eternal LIFE and rely on his GRACE in journey lifelong path of FAITH.

So, do I believe in the DEATH Penalty? I will allow you to come with your own conclusion..

Is Abortion murder?

If someone is about to kill you and you defend yourself, as a result, assailant's life is lost. Is that considered murder? Many would say self-defense in a court of law if proven..So, what is the case for an innocent embryo that did not ask to be conceived? Is it murder?? I cannot answer this question because I am NOT GOD!

Again, I pass judgment on noone because of the extreme glass house I live in..Throwing stones is out of my league..

I personally feel the only time ABORTION is acceptable is in the case of life to the mother or child. There ectopic pregnancies that happen and terminated pregnancy is the best solution, because in most cases the baby or mother would not survive

I also feel that ABORTION rights are for both parents, with the exception of rape or incest. So, what are the primary reasons other than threat to life why many abortions occur:

Here is my question, if 25% of the reasons is affordability with raising a child, why not invest in birth control or surgical procedures to reduce or eliminate risk of conception. Then the 27%, I cannot figure out...

In cases of a rape or incest, I could never imagine being in that situation in which a young girl or woman is facing that circumstance. I personally would encourage adoption, but, I would not blame or pass judgement on anyone choosing not to have the baby...

So, again, I am noone to answer if ABORTION is murder because I am not GOD.

This is a very sensitive and controversial topic for many, especially men and woman that have lived under these circumstances...Let's learn to help people heal instead of JUDGING....

Welfare Recipients...

First of all..The intentions of this blog is not to downgrade or pass judgement on noone. I live in a glass house, so, throwing stones would not be advisable of me..

I have done research on this subject while pursuing my masters. No,  this is NOT the GOSPEL, but, perspectives on WELFARE.

I believe there are hundreds or millions of people in the world living in poverty. Poverty should never be the standard for any human living in this world. No adult or child should go without adequate food, water or shelter. Therefore, I fully support any system or program that provides relief to such crisis.

What I do not support is freeloaders! Yes, I said freeloaders. It is not fair for anyone to take advantage of a system because they can. This is no different from taking advantage of a person that is helping you. So, what do I mean by taking advantage of a system.

If a person is not disabled and has means to support themselves, they should! Here is a prime example, a young single woman attending college, working full time, living on her own cannot qualify for FOOD STAMPS because she is a full-time college student. A young unemployed single mother automatically qualifies. Now, what is the problem is this picture?...Does not everyone need to EAT.

Another example, A family that has two parents-working with children runs into a crisis were one child needs emergency surgery. So, the entire savings account, and two whole paychecks, including borrowing from 401K is contributed to this surgery. Family goes to social services to get assistance for light bill. Family is denied because they own a home in which they are paying a mortgage on.

A family of two-parents with children that only works part-time, is not able to pay rent for one month due to recent job layoff. Goes to social services to get assistance for rent. Automatically receives assistance because of low-income.

So, in both situations both families demonstrate need, yet, one is denied because they own a home, while the other gets help. Do not both families deserve help?

This is the problem I have with the welfare system. It only caters to keep certain populations of people dependent on the system. Life unseen circumstances or tragedies is not exempt from anyone of any status.

I think it is corrupt that people can support willingly single mothers who choose not to work or go to school. They have programs that even provide "free" child care services, transportation to work, and continual financial support of housing and food. And in some cases receive a great amount of child support. And in many cases, the health department provides birth control.. Now, again! This is not targeting all single mothers on welfare...I know many that are making tremendous progress and some even gotten off assistance...

I just think it is unfair to penalize a woman with no children going to college access to help. The reason why the system does not help many college students is because of the assumption that college is affordable to the affluent. If that is the case then why is there so much debt in college loans students can barely pay back. EVERYONE deserves a break!

***There are male welfare recipients as well, but, the highest population of welfare recipients are single mothers***

Insecure women versus Secure women

Insecure women are jealous, manipulating, controlling, and filled with self-hatred. Most insecure woman have unstable homes. If a insecure woman is married, she is always, always at WAR with her husband, children, friends, career, and life in generally..

If a insecure woman is single she is always at WAR with everyone and everything. Yes, she is pretty much a BITCH! Now, I do not say this in ugliness but true nature of a woman in a consistently bad mood. This has nothing to do when PMS or that time of the month. There is a difference in being in a bad mood versus being mean as HELL!

Insecure women walk around with chips on their shoulders always comparing their lives to everyone else. Insecure women have HATRED for men...Yes, HATRED...Just because one guy did her wrong every man is automatically labeled as "no good".

Many insecure women have sexual problems with themselves as well as their lovers. Insecure women never know how to relax and rest. Insecure women can come in any race, sexual orientation, religious background or disability.

Many insecure women do not know how to communicate their feelings. Instead it is called an ATTITUDE. Insecure women are never open-minded to change always finding fault in others.  Insecure women can be overweight, underweight, or gorgeous and still be miserable.. Yet, they do nothing to change how they are but give you ATTITUDE.

Insecure women do not know how to be natural or comfortable in their skin, their bodies, their self-esteem, or goals/dreams.

Secure women is what makes the world a better place! Secure women support and encourage other women. Secure women help and support their men, children, and families. Secure women are at peace with God and themselves. Secure women do not try to take on man's role. Secure women are freely liberated in their bodies, emotional nakedness, sexuality, and goals. Secure women know how to speak for themselves. Secure women have class, sex appeal, humor, honesty, and leadership skills. Secure women do not hide behind their looks or their bodies. They embrace who they are...

Secure women have healthy sex drives, good cooks, always seeking daily growth, and maintaining a positive attitude under the worst circumstances.

Secure women can come in any race, sexual orientation, religious background, or disability..

A secure woman is the most sensual being of God's creation...

What mothers should discuss with their daughters...

Mother and daughter relationships are precious and once in a lifetime. I was very close with my mother. If I could describe my relationship with my mother she was my teacher, counselor, mentor, role-model and coach. So, when my mother died 2000, you could imagine my sense of devastation and lost.

My mother died of breast cancer. She was nurse for over 30 years with hospital and private practice experience. My mother never "sugarcoated" anything with me. She always wanted me to be in truth and never live in deception. This is were my boldness comes from. My mother always taught me to trust God with anything I decided to do.

I could talk to my mother about anything...And, I do mean anything..This is way communication should be with parents and children.

Mothers should be an example of self-esteem in young girls. If you are mom in an abusive marriage or relationship. You are allowing your daughter to see how women should not be treated. It is likely, she will grow up to be an insecure women that is subject to abusive relationships.

Mothers should teach their daughters that beauty is not based on looks and body shapes. Many mothers have problems communicating on low self-esteem, appearance, weight, or sexuality. A young girl needs that comfort and guidance without any judgment or criticism. I call this is when a mom needs to be a "best friend". Yes, mothers can be best friends without dishonoring the role of "mom".

Mothers should be able to encourage career, life or educational choices..Mothers should communicate openly with their daughters about concerns, disappointments, and mistakes. Mothers should never talk or speak negatively about a girls father, whether is a part of her life or not. She should be open about the relationship, but not consistently speak negativity. Just because you may have made the wrong choice in men, is no reason to influence your daughter to negativity.

I understand not every young girl has an example of healthy relationships with their mothers. We as women in our careers and communities can always make a difference for many young girls.

Mothers should teach their daughters self-care with hygiene, hair, clothing, and budgeting. Many women grow to depend on men for financial means and pampering. This is teaching daughters that men are only good sources for financial security..

Mothers should never pressure their daughters into getting married or having children. There is nothing wrong with women that choose not to marry or have kids. There is also nothing wrong with women that do choose to marry and have kids. It is a choice, not a requirement,...

Motherhood is something I cannot wait to experience.....

Insecure Men versus Secure Men

If you are in a relationship or marriage with an insecure man, get out now why you can. An insecure man is not going to change as long as he allows doubts and fears to rule his life. Why is this dangerous? God said that man should be the leader. So, if a man is insecure not only is he weak, he will spread that negative aspect to his children, family, and community.

So, what does insecurity means? uncertainty or anxiety about oneself; lack of confidence. Now, this is not the same meaning as getting discouraged at times in your life. Why? Because when people are discouraged they never quit. A person that is insecure will give up and not even try.

For example, if man feels that he has to prove himself to people he already does not believe in himself. Otherwise, why seek the approval of people to feel confident about who you are. Insecure men generally attract insecure women (I will do a blog on insecure women, separately). Insecure men often try to conquer a sexual quest to prove their "manhood". Insecure men rely on the attention of females to make them feel powerful. Insecure men are jealous of other successful men. An insecure man can have money, he can be broke, he can be educated, he can be uneducated, he can be a positive leader or a negative leader. Insecure men generally do not have healthy relationships with their mothers. Insecure men can come from any race, sexual orientation, religious background, or disability. 

Insecure men can be verbal/physically abusive men that control people with the feeling of "dependency". Insecure men do not believe God is their "head". They believe their looks, sex appeal, money, or status is their "god" to self-esteem.

This is in no way male-bashing. It is simply to point out the good guys from the bad guys..So, what is a secure man...

Secure men are the determined men that will always fight for what they believe in and the ones they love. Secure men are men that struggle with imperfections that they put trust in God to fix. Secure men are NOT perfect in anyway. Secure men have the most respect and admiration for their mothers and fathers. Secure men always seek growth on a daily basis. Secure men are emotionally open, they are not afraid to cry, admit to weaknesses and struggles. They also know how to resolve a problem rather than create one. Secure men give guidance to their children, unconditional love to their spouse or partner, and hope for a better future..

Secure men can come in any race, sexual orientation, religious background, or disability.

Now, let's move on to part 2: Insecure woman versus Secure women